letters from barabbas

I recently remet a girl I keep running into (college is full of people like that). When we asked simultaneously, "How have you been?" I was surprised she didn't reflect my patent answer (good, good) but said, "Allergic to everything! I just found out I'm allergic to wheat, egg whites, everything." The details were sketchy. I'm not sure if she's just recently developed these allergies, or if they have only just now pinned them down as the cause for her perpetual hives. I'm assuming the former, though I didn't know you could spontaneously develop an allergy like that.

As we spoke more, though, I got the strong impression that she hadn't really "just developed" the allergies naturally, but that they were an outgrowth of something more significant in her life. You may not agree with me, but I believe that oftentimes our ailments are less physiological than they are spiritual. If sex is the embodiment of spiritual love, then why couldn't allergies be the embodiment of spiritual rejection? Your body detects something harmless--nourishing, even--and overreacts, sends out all its defenses to ward off something that only wanted to help. Our immunities, like our cynicism, are designed to protect us; but when they are damaged or malformed, they target the wrong things. She who had a bad reaction to wheat germ might first have had a bad reaction to friendship. Self-preservation rejects any trace of the offending substance, even if the offence was just a fluke.

I was prompted think about my own life, and the influx of Grace that's been rocking my world this past year. And how much I've embraced it but how much it has hurt. Like chemotherapy, I suppose. And maybe that's why this week has been so violently regressive. My spirit just can't take any more of this substance called grace. It's starting to reject it.
The flesh in me smarts at things like unconditional forgiveness, indelible grace. They seem foolish, dangerous. I'd like to make my own way, provide my own salvation. That's what we're all trying to do, one way or another, don't you think?

Confession: I'm failing miserably.

Some people's throats will swell shut when they catch a whif of peanut butter from across the room. Others' hearts will skip a beat when they sense the promise of Life Abundant.
Both leave you helplessly gasping for breath.
The only difference is: you can find alternate sources of protein.
There is only one fount of forgiveness and grace, only one Way to Truth and to Life.