Monday, October 18, 2004
The scores are in!
I had at least thirty different people praying for me on August 14th as I went to face my destiny. It was my mother's birthday, and I was shut up in a windowless room in Haley Center from 8:00 to 5:00, racking my brains to prove myself worthy.
Chi Alpha's leadership team was on a retreat--which I was missing for this silly exam--that day and they took some time to join together in prayer for me and the other medical hopefuls they knew. They were believing for a 33, but Calla Maria was asking for two more. One thing you should know is that I ALWAYS get the grade Calla Maria requests. It's worked out quite nicely, and it worked again this time around. :)
After I was finished I met up with Ryan and drove to Coffee County for the rest of that leadership retreat (at the Vineyard, Crestview kids!), because I am leading a cell this year with John through Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship. I was exhuasted. Introducing Ryan to Waterdeep's Live at the New Earth, which pulled me through this crucible of a summer, was fun.
I came back to Auburn with three days to rest. (It wasn't enough.)
During the 60 days I was waiting for my scores, I had plenty of time to weigh my options. I had two dreams during these two months that represented the fork I had come to.
The first came a week or two after the test. I approached the mailbox timidly, fully confident that the score would be inside. I opened the envelope meticulously, trying to put off the moment of truth for as long as possible. Unfolded the paper, turned it over....
IT WAS A 40!!!! The powers that be were so impressed (the most you can get is a 45) that they wrote me a personal letter of congratulations. It was as exaggerated and exhilerating as the teacher in A Christmas Story shouting "A, plus, Plus, PLUS!!!" upon reading Little Ralphie's "What I want for Christmas" essay.
Truth be told, a 40 is an exceptional score, but it certainly wouldn't warrant a personal letter from anyone in the AAMC. Josh later suggested that this dream wasn't so much a forecast of the MCAT scores, but simply God's expression of approval over a different test I had recently passed. I think you may be right, Josh. ;)
The second dream came about a month later, when I'd had sufficient time to doubt myself. I approached the same mailbox with the same timidity and opened the envelope just as meticulously. The world balanced upon the tip of a pencil, waiting to see which way to roll.
This time, the score was unimpressive. Low 20's. I couldn't get in with that score. But, the weird thing was...I wasn't sad or scared or even surprised. It was like a confirmation. I set the paper down, turned around, and walked on to a different future. I had options: lots of them. And they were exciting!
Needless to say, this sent me into my mid-twenties crisis a few years early, and I spent endless hours deliberating what my future was really all about. It was stupid, though, because it wasn't as if I could just say, "Well, if I make a good score then I'll be a doctor, and if I don't, I'll do something else." What if I scored well, but still didn't want to go through with it? Shouldn't I be sure about this before I register for spring semester? Sparing you the boring details, in the end I came out confident that either way (doctor or no), my life would be worth something somehow.
So I wasn't particularly worried when the scores FINALLY came in. It was a bit less ceremonious, though, than I had dreamed. They don't send paper score reports anymore. I clicked a button on the internet, and covered my eyes and made Calla Maria check for me. She didn't know which number was which, and so I had to just look for myself.
And, in short, I got a 35 on my MCAT. 35 S.
This is a good score. (Okay, it's a great score!) I can use it.
Honestly, if I hadn't passed it the first time, I don't think I could have gone through the preparation again. I almost went off the deep end trying to prepare for that stupid thing.
So, now the big question is this: because I produced some certain number, is this still what I want to do with my life?
And then I think of those children I met in Mexico, and I get excited somewhere deep inside.
Thanks for praying for me, guys.
Chi Alpha's leadership team was on a retreat--which I was missing for this silly exam--that day and they took some time to join together in prayer for me and the other medical hopefuls they knew. They were believing for a 33, but Calla Maria was asking for two more. One thing you should know is that I ALWAYS get the grade Calla Maria requests. It's worked out quite nicely, and it worked again this time around. :)
After I was finished I met up with Ryan and drove to Coffee County for the rest of that leadership retreat (at the Vineyard, Crestview kids!), because I am leading a cell this year with John through Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship. I was exhuasted. Introducing Ryan to Waterdeep's Live at the New Earth, which pulled me through this crucible of a summer, was fun.
I came back to Auburn with three days to rest. (It wasn't enough.)
During the 60 days I was waiting for my scores, I had plenty of time to weigh my options. I had two dreams during these two months that represented the fork I had come to.
The first came a week or two after the test. I approached the mailbox timidly, fully confident that the score would be inside. I opened the envelope meticulously, trying to put off the moment of truth for as long as possible. Unfolded the paper, turned it over....
IT WAS A 40!!!! The powers that be were so impressed (the most you can get is a 45) that they wrote me a personal letter of congratulations. It was as exaggerated and exhilerating as the teacher in A Christmas Story shouting "A, plus, Plus, PLUS!!!" upon reading Little Ralphie's "What I want for Christmas" essay.
Truth be told, a 40 is an exceptional score, but it certainly wouldn't warrant a personal letter from anyone in the AAMC. Josh later suggested that this dream wasn't so much a forecast of the MCAT scores, but simply God's expression of approval over a different test I had recently passed. I think you may be right, Josh. ;)
The second dream came about a month later, when I'd had sufficient time to doubt myself. I approached the same mailbox with the same timidity and opened the envelope just as meticulously. The world balanced upon the tip of a pencil, waiting to see which way to roll.
This time, the score was unimpressive. Low 20's. I couldn't get in with that score. But, the weird thing was...I wasn't sad or scared or even surprised. It was like a confirmation. I set the paper down, turned around, and walked on to a different future. I had options: lots of them. And they were exciting!
Needless to say, this sent me into my mid-twenties crisis a few years early, and I spent endless hours deliberating what my future was really all about. It was stupid, though, because it wasn't as if I could just say, "Well, if I make a good score then I'll be a doctor, and if I don't, I'll do something else." What if I scored well, but still didn't want to go through with it? Shouldn't I be sure about this before I register for spring semester? Sparing you the boring details, in the end I came out confident that either way (doctor or no), my life would be worth something somehow.
So I wasn't particularly worried when the scores FINALLY came in. It was a bit less ceremonious, though, than I had dreamed. They don't send paper score reports anymore. I clicked a button on the internet, and covered my eyes and made Calla Maria check for me. She didn't know which number was which, and so I had to just look for myself.
And, in short, I got a 35 on my MCAT. 35 S.
This is a good score. (Okay, it's a great score!) I can use it.
Honestly, if I hadn't passed it the first time, I don't think I could have gone through the preparation again. I almost went off the deep end trying to prepare for that stupid thing.
So, now the big question is this: because I produced some certain number, is this still what I want to do with my life?
And then I think of those children I met in Mexico, and I get excited somewhere deep inside.
Thanks for praying for me, guys.
